Parenting Style Is Very Emotional!
Passing the last few days near a large pool of water, I hear a mother say to her child on a bicycle: “Do not go near the water, you risk falling, it is very dangerous here and after. you will drown! “Considering the panicked tone of the mother, I was almost surprised that she did not add” … and at the bottom of the water all the fish have the coronavirus! “
This mom is overwhelmed by her emotions. Of the six fundamental emotions (joy, surprise, anger, fear, disgust, sadness) it is fear that takes control of the situation here. This emotion will have the function of controlling his child. But controlling his child by giving him orders does not teach him a sense of responsibility. How could she have done it?
Since the dawn of time, emotions have been there to alert us. We can thank our ancestors for having had it because those who were not on the lookout, aware of their emotion and ready to leave ended up eaten by the lions! So everyone who reads this letter today had ancestors yesterday who did not take a lion for a cat and that’s good!
But where do the emotions of this mother come from? His emotions come from his beliefs because each of us creates our own emotions. If our education has made us think that people are friendly and that we can trust them, we will create a positive emotion that allows us to connect with people. If, on the other hand, we think that we should be wary of others we will create a negative emotion that will keep us at a distance from those around us.
The negative emotions in this mother who over-reacts are linked to her own beliefs because another mother would have, faced with this same situation, been able to respond totally differently. As soon as you realize that your thoughts and emotions have consequences for the behavior you adopt towards your child, you can ask yourself the following questions:
Are my thoughts rational? What tells me? Are my thoughts interfering with my well-being or that of my child? Does my “internal logic” generate demands, complaints or reproaches vis-à-vis my child? What are the consequences of maintaining or changing the way of thinking?
The positive or negative state of mind with which you approach any situation is fundamental because you can induce a situation by anticipating it.
The mother who arrived not far from the pool could have said to herself: The place worries me, I fell into the water when I was little but my experience today must be useful to my child who has a different story than me . She can tell him upstream: “We are going for a walk in a beautiful place and you will see, there is a large pond with pretty ducks. I will stay close to you because you are on a bicycle and there are no barriers. Then ask him questions that empower him: What can you do to avoid falling? How far from the water do you think you will ride to stay safe? If you want to feed the ducks, where can you do it so you don’t lose your balance?
Do not underestimate the ability of our children to find solutions and take responsibility from an early age. They have brains… so do they… and their creativity is sometimes spectacular. What do you think the stressed mom’s child thought about him, his mom and the world around him? And what do you think the child, faced with questions that empower him, thinks of him, his mother and the world around him?